The other day was terrible. I'm not sure what was going on, but my kids were annoying me and I was just needing some space. Taylor has been teething molars since he was three months old. They come up and then they go down. Then Makayla was just having toddler attitude. I was feeling overwhelmed with taking care of the kids, the pets, the house, etc and just feeling a little alone. Feeling tired all day doesn't really help much either.
Since we've been back from BC, Makayla has had this cough that just won't go away. She's up once or twice in the middle of the night coughing up a lung (or so it seems) and then because she is coughing she's been drinking more water which means she needs diaper changes more frequent as well. So needless to say the last four weeks she hasn't been sleeping well and neither have I. Taylor too was doing great sleeping completely through the night and then we went to BC and now he's up at least once but usually twice in the night to eat. Phil never seems to hear either of them (interesting, right?), he's just a heavy sleeper! The other night, between the two kids I was up 8 times. By 6:30 am I couldn't do it anymore and woke Phil up to go and deal with Makayla. Wow, that was a bad night.
We also have two guys that work with Phil that are rooming in the basement here. I like them and they're good guys and great with the kids but some days they are all here and I just feel that I need space - my own space, less testosterone and more estrogen!!! So, I was having a bad day and nothing was going the way I wanted it to. I was getting really frustrated with God too, cause it felt like the more I prayed for my kids the more they would wake up. So as soon as they went down to nap I got out my devotion book to have a little read. That specific devotion was on giving thanks in all circumstances. How does one give thanks at 3am when awakened by a crying baby? How does one give thanks when her kids refuse to nap and she just needs a minute to herself? How does one give thanks when her toddler will only eat noodles and will refuse any other food placed in front of her? I was having a really hard time with giving thanks in all circumstances. So I had a little chat with God, had a little cry and got on with the day, as tiring as it was.
But God must have had something up his sleeve, because the next day Phil worked a double shift (approximately 7am until 11pm), one of the roommates also worked a double shift and the other one was out all morning and then worked the evening, which meant the kids and I had some space and we could just chill. It was a much better day than the day before. I am trying to take things one day at a time. Some days are great, others not good at all. But through it all I'm learning to attempt to give thanks in all circumstances... cause that's what the Bible says, and so that's what I'm going to try and do. It's not easy and I'm really struggling with it, but I know that there's a lesson to be learned and I'm going to try my hardest to be faithful and keep on keeping on!
PS - things have been so up and down around here it's taken me about 5 days to get this posted!
5 comments:
Man - I feel you pain! Keyton must have the same cough as Makayla = not good, although I usually nudge Justin out of bed to deal with him. I'm back at work now, and dealing with 85 high school kids and their attitudes and complexities is no comparison to parenting a toddler who refuses to nap and eat the food in front of them and a baby teething who wants to constantly feed. At least the high school kids generally do what I say, and I even get break and lunch. Sometimes when I've been up with Keyton at 3am (after being up with him at 12am) there's those moments when you're feeling frustration and fatigue, and then you see their beautiful, peaceful face and you know then that it's all worth it. Harder to see the peaceful face on a toddler, but I also kind of admire Maya's spiritedness and independence - she's definitely not going to be a pushover! There is definitely a plan - remember - what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! And having kids this close in age at the moment is very tiring and trying, but they will be buddies throughout time and we will be so thankful that they have each other. I guess I know what you want for Christmas - a good night's sleep!
Sarah... it's so good to know that I'm not alone! You're right, it's tiring but it is all worth it, especially in those little moments where they tell you they love you or they smile at you just when you need it. I can imagine that high school kids are easier to deal with sometimes! It's almost making me think about going back to work and just getting a little break from them, cause some days I don't feel like I'm a really good mom and maybe a little break will do me some good. A good night's sleep would be awesome!!! I know it will come! Hope you're enjoying being back at work!
It is hard having other people live in your house, even if it is separated, like a suite or something. Especially when you have kids. You feel a little less free to just let it all hang loose. Also, you worry that much more if crying kids are bothering them, or if they're judging what they can see or hear of your parenting. It just makes everything a little harder. Glad you got a little break. Hang in there.
Amen and Amen. It's crazy how the little things are so amplified when they're your everyday. I never minded living in the dorms, and now I only have four people around all the time and I cannot get enough space some days!
Danica, you hit the nail on the head... and since we are representing God, things always seem to be a little tougher.
Amanda, the dorms for some reason were managable. Maybe cause there were little places to hide (library, hallways, music rooms, etc.) At home with kids, there is no where to hide.
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