Sacrifices or growing pains?

I always knew that growing up one would have to make sacrifices in life, I just never realized that some of them are so painful. I know that meaning of the word and I know that sacrifices aren't easy and they often come with a price. They seem to get harder and harder as I get older as well. Maybe that's just par for the course. Or maybe they are just growing pains or a little of both!

These past few months I have really gone through a lot of growth and I have had to make a lot of sacrifices. I'm not complaining, I'm just sharing my life. I guess that when one goes through these things in life they are stretched and forced to grow in ways that are uncomfortable and sometimes they just hurt.

These last few months since Phil has been away things have not been easy. It is not easy to be a single parent, working full time and being pregnant. I honestly have a better appreciation for those who do it alone and have no support. At least for me I know that Phil is coming home. Knowing that we are moving in 6 months or so makes it hard too. Thinking about packing up the house, cleaning, getting ready for a new baby and making sure that I spend enough time with Makayla gets pretty tough. There is not a lot of alone/me/down time. I'm ok with that, it's just hard. You learn to work around it and deal with it.

I have also had to ask for help - and that is something that I don't do well. I'm a pretty independent person and enjoy doing things on my own by myself. We all know that asking others to do things, well, things don't always get done right or on time. I have had to ask for help at work and help taking care of Makayla. I hate having to ask people to watch Makayla or come to the house to be here while she naps - it's just way easier sometimes to do things without her! It's especially hard to find people during the day to watch her as people are working, going to school, etc. It has been a humbling experience to ask people to watch her and take care of her.

Another thing has been lack of time with Phil. Both for Makayla and myself. Makayla loved spending time with Phil over the holiday. Every day she would ask for "dada" and want to be with him all the time. If he would leave the house to run an errand or go start the car she would whine and sometimes cry. I too was excited to have him come home and made plans for us to have a date night. We haven't had a date night in over a year (which is far too long). I arranged a babysitter, found some movie passes and made the plans for us to have a few hours out kid free! We got the sitter, left the house and made our way to the theater. We were about 20 minutes early for the movie and I thought we were doing great, until we walked up to the theater and saw the line stretch all through the inside and out the front door. There was no way we were getting in to see that movie and we only had our sitter for a few hours. So, we went over to Moxies, shared a plate of nachos and then went to Superstore to walk around - cause nothing else was open! Superstore in the evening kid free was kinda cool! It wasn't the date night I had wanted but in the end we still got to be together for a few hours, without a baby and just hang out. I have been learning to be more flexible and know that we might make all kinds of plans but in the end they just might not pan out.

If I think about these past few months and how challenging they have been, and I begin to think about the next 4-6 months ahead, I begin to panic and stress out just a little. Thinking about packing our house, selling the house, wrapping things up at work, saying goodbye to some very special friends, I wonder how I'm going to make it through - oh and there's a new baby that's going to be entering the family at some point in there as well!!! Sigh. I guess God and I will be spending more time together as I trust Him and wait on His timing and His provision.

Growing up hurts and I have a feeling it just doesn't get easier.